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Premature ejaculation refers to the condition wherein a man regularly reaches orgasm before what he judges as the opportune time. This is usually tied into his desire to give more pleasure to his partner or receive more pleasure himself. As with many male sexual issues, in the company of men the term ‘premature ejaculation’ is often met with snickers, put-downs or attempts at humor. Since male self-esteem is usually so closely associated with sexual prowess, anyone who suffers from any kind of difficulty can find it hard to talk to someone they trust about sexual dysfunction. Some men even avoid seeking treatment, as they are embarrassed to disclose any sexual questions or concerns they might have during a visit to the doctor. The shame that men feel as a result of premature ejaculation is directly linked to what they feel to be their inability to satisfy their partner sexually. While this is an understandable mindset, there is no need for a man to single himself out as somehow abnormal if this condition should arise: premature ejaculation is the most commonly reported sexual problem for men under the age of 40. Regardless of what myths or rumors might propagate regarding penile sensitivity or how it relates to the size of a man’s penis, by and large premature ejaculation is a purely psychological issue without any specific physical cause. |
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The phrase ‘premature ejaculation’ itself is somewhat of a misnomer, as there is no set clinical length of time that must pass between the initiation of a sexual encounter and a man’s climax. It is entirely possible that what would be considered premature ejaculation for one couple could be perceived as fulfilling by another. This situation can lead to a man discovering later in life that all of a sudden, his new partner is expressing concern and disappointment with regards to the duration of his sexual performance, despite the fact that it is the same as it has always been. If premature ejaculation truly is ‘all in a man’s head’, then what are some of the best techniques to try and avoid an early orgasm during sex? Most psychologists recommend a combination of relaxation techniques to ease any tension that might be associated with the sexual act. Sometimes sufferers of this condition may find themselves haunted by earlier sexual experiences or situations wherein they were required to quickly achieve climax and are now unable to transition into a new sexual environment. Not surprisingly, performance anxiety can also lead to premature ejaculation. The anticipation of an encounter or the fear that one is unable to meet expectations during sex can create a buildup of excitement that manifests itself in a rapid orgasm, effectively ending the situation which was causing the anxiety. By working together with their partner on creating a comfortable sexual environment, as well as by confronting any feelings or anxieties which could be hampering their ability to have sex in a way that both people find satisfying, men can learn to have an orgasm on their own terms. | ||
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Many men do their best to keep themselves in shape. Whether by hitting the gym after work or playing hockey or another team sport once or twice a week, taking care of one’s body is a priority for a lot of people. However, there are some muscles that you probably won’t hear anyone talking about in between sets of bicep curls and bench presses: the pubococcygeus muscles, more commonly known as the Kegel muscles. What exactly are the Kegel muscles? They are a group of muscles located in the pelvic area that are directly related to maintaining a strong erection and controlling premature ejaculation in men. These muscles are the ones used when trying to “hold back” urination, or by the same token when trying to physically resist the urge to ejaculate. The strength of the Kegels can go a long way towards dictating some of the more intimate details of your love life, yet their existence and importance is not commonly known to most men. In fact, it is not uncommon for men to be familiar with the Kegel exercises that some women perform in order to improve their own sexual pleasure, while not even realizing that men also possess the same muscles and the same potential. |
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There are a few different ways for a man to exercise his Kegels. The simplest method is to practice contracting it, holding it for about 15 seconds and then releasing it again, repeating about 10 to 15 times. Contracting the muscle is done in the same manner as one would when trying to stop urination mid-stream. Repeating these small contraction sessions around 5 times a day can lead to a marked improvement in muscle control over a period of a few weeks. The Kegels can also be worked out during masturbation by clenching the muscles to resist an impending orgasm, letting the tension decrease, and then repeating the process. Gradually, this type of control over orgasm can be transferred to sex with a partner, putting a man in a better position when it comes to prolonging sexual pleasure. This is not the only benefit to having strong Kegel muscles. Regular contraction helps to increase the blood flow to the pelvic region and specifically to the penis, facilitating erections and allowing men to maintain them longer than they could before. Kegels are often recommended as a safe, natural alternative to erectile dysfunction drugs. In fact, they can be so effective that a study done in the UK suggested that after 3 months of regular Kegel exercises, close to three quarters of men who had been experiencing problems with impotence no longer required medication. | ||
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When considering the substantial benefits that come from having strong Kegel muscles, there is no real reason why most men should not at least devote a few weeks towards trying to improve theirs. The exercises are simple and can be done while sitting at a desk at work or while stuck in rush hour traffic, without attracting any attention at all. What’s a few more minutes tacked on to the time already spent taking care of the more visible muscle groups in the body? Kegel exercises are a great way for a man to make sure he can stay on top of his game no matter what his age. | ||
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There are few sexual dysfunctions which can leave both sides of a relationship feeling helpless and frustrated in the way that impotence can. The effect of impotence in a relationship extends far beyond the physical act of love, and can impact feelings of power, and self-worth, and create a division through the love shared by two people. A significant part of this negativity revolves around the concept of sex as a penetrative act. Given that sex between couples originally stems from procreation, and that during this act a man must physically enter a woman in order to deposit his sperm, when a man is unable to fulfill his role he can feel as though he is somehow not worthy of his masculinity. The focus on penetration can be seen in many other areas of sexual behavior: the taboos surrounding sex acts such as oral sex and masturbation, and in the reinforcing behaviors of mainstream pornography in which women exist to be penetrated by the man, who is often dominant and in control of the situation. All of these pressures can loom large in the bedroom when someone finds themselves unable to maintain an erection despite feeling both desire and passion for his partner. |
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Despite this overwhelming sentiment, it is clear that there are many physical acts of love which do not involve penetration whatsoever. In fact, in the lesbian and gay community, it is not uncommon for relationships to be completely devoid of this aspect of sexuality – and yet both partners would classify their sex life as mutually satisfying. Heterosexual relationships, given the preponderance of established sexual roles, often have a more difficult time discovering alternative methods of physically demonstrating their love and passion. A perfect way to begin loving an impotent man is to explore both of your senses. There are many erogenous zones on the body, not just located in the traditional genital region. Try running your lips, the tips of your fingers and your eyelashes over the back of his neck, his lower back, and the backs of his knees. Draw your fingernails slowly across his skin, leaving a thin line from the top of his shoulder blades, down the rear of his leg all the way to the base of his calf, taking care not to tickle too much when you reach the sole of the foot. Use your tongue to gently tease and massage his inner thighs, scrotum, and the base of his penis. Always make sure to tell him how much you love and care for him, and make sure when you are finished being physical that you hold him and let him feel the truth in your words. | ||
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Another important component in this different method of loving is to make sure that your man knows how he can please you without penetration. Show him where you like to be touched, how much pressure to use to drive you wild, and make him acquainted with those special little things he can do to drive you wild and satisfy your passion. Impotence can seem like an insurmountable problem when it comes to lovemaking, but with a little creativity and a lot of caring, there is no reason why a relationship can’t weather the storm and emerge with a greater sense of trust and intimacy. | ||
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Few substances have been as simultaneously maligned and glorified in the sexual arena as alcohol. For those who have problems with shyness or confidence, alcohol is celebrated as a social lubricant – a gateway to being able to finally approach those to whom you are attracted. For others whose consumption puts them past the limit at which they can still make responsible, safe decisions, alcohol can instead represent a scary facilitator of questionable sexual acts and situations which can put them in danger. Beyond the social implications, how does alcohol consumption affect both men and women from a sexual perspective? Do both genders have the same physiological reactions to this drug, or does it affect each of their sexualities in different ways? The answer is perhaps surprising: the female and male bodies respond to alcohol consumption in different manners. While it is obvious that given the relative disparity between body weights, the average woman is less likely to be able to deal well with heavy drinking compared to the average man, there are other more marked differences in the bedroom after a few drinks. |
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For women, social drinking may initially lead to increased arousal, but for women who drink often and drink heavily, arousal decreases across the board. Not only that, but in this scenario women become less responsive to sexual stimulus, and find it more difficult to derive pleasure from sex itself. They also have a hard time reaching orgasm in comparison with women who do not consume as much. However, in terms of being able to quantitatively determine levels of arousal and pleasure, there isn’t much out there in the scientific world that can accurately measure these types of sensations. Casual female drinkers often report increased arousal and satisfaction during sex when they are quite intoxicated, indicating, perhaps, that occasional heavy alcohol consumption affects a woman’s sexuality differently than the drinking behaviors of an alcoholic. The situation starts off in a similar fashion for men, with arousal peaking after a few drinks. The curve drops off rapidly past that point, however, when large quantities of alcohol are consumed. While men may still maintain an interest in sex when heavily intoxicated, most men also have difficulty achieving an erection or staying erect. Alcohol consumption is a common factor in cases of erectile dysfunction. Men may also experience an inability to ejaculate, which leads to feelings of low satisfaction. Most alarmingly, some men can become much more sexually aggressive when drunk. | ||
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It is clear that, as with many things, moderation seems to be the key when it comes to mixing alcohol and sex. Having a few drinks can definitely put both men and women into the mood when it comes desire, but in order to fully benefit from this effect it is necessary to resist continuing too far down the same path. Most importantly, if you do intend to drink at a level where you know you may begin to experience a lack of normal judgment, make sure that you are in an environment that is safe and are accompanied by people who have your best interests at heart. | ||
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Few drugs are marketed with such vigor as those that claim to be the cure for erectile dysfunction. Impotence is a medical condition wherein a man has difficulty achieving or maintaining an erection. There can be several causes for the onset of impotence, ranging from psychological issues to nerve damage to problems with circulation or diabetes. Given the social stigma associated with erectile dysfunction and the importance of a man’s virility with regards to his self esteem, not to mention the impact of impotence with regards to intimate relationships, it is no surprise that many men are willing to invest their hopes in drug treatment. There are three main drugs that are used to treat impotence. The most well known is sildenafil, which is sold by Pfizer under the name Viagra. Sildenafil works by increasing the amount of a particular enzyme responsible for providing the penis with blood during an erection. This improved blood flow usually occurs within a half hour of taking the drug, making it much easier for a man to have an erection. Cialis, or tadalafil operates on the same principle, preventing the destruction of the cyclic guanosine monophosphate enzyme, but it can be taken on a daily basis and its effects last considerably longer – in some cases up to 36 hours – making it the choice for more spontaneous sex. The final drug, vardenafil is also a member of the same family and is marketed as Levitra. |
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Of course, each of these drugs is not without its side effects, and in some cases the adverse events associated with erectile dysfunction treatments are not trivial. Each of these drugs can interact with other medications relating to the cardiovascular system and lead to very low blood pressure, an increased heart rate and even chest pains. In more extreme cases, heart attacks and strokes have also been linked to these treatments, although these occurred in patients with an existing history of cardiovascular problems. Minor side effects can include blurry vision and headaches. Regardless of the negative possibilities, these three treatments continue to be popular amongst those suffering from erectile dysfunction, mostly because they are easy to take and are very effective at solving the problem. However, there are some men who prefer to try a more natural method when it comes to managing impotence. One of the options available outside the pharmaceutical realm are Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises consist of a series of movements designed to strengthen muscles in the pelvis associated with the erect penis. Tightening and releasing the ‘Kegel’ muscle on a regular basis, 10 to 15 times about 5 times a day can improve the blood circulation in the pelvic region and over time improve the chances of having an erection. One of the best ways to begin with Kegel exercises is to use the muscle to interrupt the stream of urine while you are going to the bathroom. Once you have learned how to control the muscle that performs this function, you can then practice contracting it in other situations. | |
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While the lure of drug treatments for impotence can be difficult to resist, it is important to remember that these pills only alleviate the symptoms of the problem, and don’t actually help with long-term blood flow to the penis. Kegel exercises could be a way to not only improve pelvic circulation, but also allow you to have natural, stronger, and better controlled erections during sex. | |
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For thousands of years, people have been obsessed with the concept of aphrodisiacs – substances with special, almost magical properties that would light a fire in the loins of whoever was to drink, smoke, smell or eat them. Aphrodisiacs have occupied an important place in folklore all over the world, and many different plants, animal products, oils and foods have been pressed into passion’s service. One could argue that society’s current pharmacological fascination with drugs like Viagra and Cialis are merely extensions of the same dream. Is there, then, any basis to the conjecture that the human libido can be increased by merely ingesting a carefully prepared elixir or potion? Or is it simply the power of suggestion, similar to the placebo effect seen in clinical drug trials, which triggers the mental component of desire through no actual physical interaction with the body? This is a subject with which it is difficult to speak in absolute terms, as scientific studies relating to aphrodisiacs are vastly outweighed by accumulated anecdotal and cultural knowledge that in some cases reaches back to the beginning of civilization. In fact, it can sometimes seem as though any berry or perfume which made someone’s hair stand on end or gave them a slight electrical twinge was classified as a possible aphrodisiac. |
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There are, however, some fairly accurate judgments that can be made regarding the veracity of the claims surrounding certain aphrodisiacs. Many ancient cultures made visual associations with virility and then sought these out in the natural world. A perfect representation of this way of thinking can be found in the number of phallic-shaped objects which dominate the aphrodisiacs of certain cultures: rhino horns, elephant tusks, even the root of the mandrake plant. There is little evidence that any of these substances have any bearing on human sexuality beyond a superficial physical resemblance. Another area where folk wisdom regarding aphrodisiacs does not necessarily hold true is with regards to substances which can alter the social behavior of a person. While it is certainly true that alcohol and other drugs can remove inhibitions which might have previously kept a person from pursuing sex in certain situations, their actual physical effect on the body tends to run in the opposite direction, making the act more difficult and sometimes even impossible. Is there a category of aphrodisiacs that may actually have an impact on human sexuality? The answer would seem to be yes, but not in the way you would typically think they would. Chocolate, for example, increases the serotonin levels of those who eat it, which in theory can put people in a better and more receptive mood for amorous pursuits. Certain other foods such as oysters and some herbs can introduce vitamins and minerals like zinc into the body. These may have been lacking in the bodies of our ancestors, and an infusion of nutrition could definitely have made people feel healthier and by extension more virile. Could these foods have the same impact on our modern diets? It seems unlikely, but it remains in the realm of possibility. | ||
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Most research into aphrodisiacs and indeed sexual desire overall points to the brain as being the single most important sexual organ. It would seem that to titillate and tease the mind is perhaps the most direct route to the bedroom – which indicates that the placebo effect of an aphrodisiac is perhaps the strongest component of its mythical powers. If there are any foods, scents, or sensations which you strongly associate with sex, then there is no harm in incorporating these into your love life. Anything that helps you to relax and get into the mood to indulge your passion is definitely not something you need to stay away from. | ||
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One of the most personal insecurities that a man can face relates to his penis size. Most men are terrified to think that they might somehow be ‘below average’, and where their size places them on the spectrum of their lover’s previous experience can sometimes pre-occupy even the most well-endowed man. While it is soothing to have your companion assure you that you are indeed ‘man enough’ to please them, the social pressures associated with penis size are felt even outside the bedroom. |
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One of the most frustrating things for men is the wide variance in terms of reported statistics regarding the size of the male member. Depending upon which study you choose to put your faith in, the average male penis is between 5 inches and 6 inches in length, with a girth of 3.5 to 4 inches. There are several reasons behind the broad range of values. The most common wrinkle when it comes to gathering data of this nature is the method in which it is collected. Self-reported measurements, that is to say surveys that are filled in by participants in the privacy of their own homes tend to be a bit more generous than those gathered by doctors under clinical conditions. Not only that, but even measurements performed under controlled conditions fall victim to such inaccuracies as measuring from different points (the base of the penis versus where the penis meets the pelvis), and measuring the penis while it is erect versus flaccid. To complicate matters further, some older studies based their measurements on stretching out the flaccid penis to its maximum length, which adds a bizarre statistical distortion to an already confusing pool of numbers. The reality is, while size is a topic that is constantly joked about between male friends, most men don’t really have the opportunity to see another man’s erect penis in real life, much less compare it to their own. In fact, for many men their only chance to observe any penises at all, without crossing social boundaries, is in pornography. Self-comparison to these specially selected monsters can be an even greater knock to a person’s self-esteem. | |
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With all of this conflicting and at times humiliating information floating around, it’s not surprising that penile extension and enlargement have managed to find a profitable niche market. Anything from pills to hormone treatments to hanging tiny weights from the end of your member to stretch it out have all been marketed as cures to a problem that most men simply don’t have. There are even surgical procedures available which either cut away some of the surrounding connective tissue to let the penis hang lower from the body or inject it with substances or implants designed to increase girth. Ultimately, body image is a very personal thing that is subject to some intense pressures, both internal and external. While some people may feel the need to physically alter their body in order to meet the ideals they have chosen to embrace, others learn to accept themselves for who they are and in turn seek that same acceptance from their partners. It is normal for someone to feel insecure from time to time, but it’s also important not to let that insecurity get between yourself and a loved one. | |
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‘Blue balls’ seems like one of those specters of high school, rising up from the past to be laughed at now in adulthood. For women, the image that haunts them is one of teenage boyfriends imploring them to provide release so as to avoid debilitating, aching pain in the testicles. For men, the memories are probably a lot more visceral, as they reflect on the agony that they felt after going home from a night filled with wonderful teasing, kissing and petting but no orgasm. So what exactly does the term ‘blue balls’ refer to, and how did it get such a colorful name? More importantly, is it a real medical condition, or is it just a concept invented by adolescent Romeos hoping to make it past second base? Sadly, the pain of ‘blue balls,’ or vasocongestion as it is more properly termed, is quite real. For a man, a night filled with arousal can often translate into a deep ache in the pelvic region, usually centered around the base of the testicles. This condition can last for hours, and it is caused by a congestion of fluid around the prostate brought on by all of the blood that rushed to the area during a persistent erection. In addition to the ache, a man’s testicles can become extremely sensitive, so that any shock to them can send ripples of pain and discomfort through the entire pelvic area. |
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Not surprisingly, women can also experience this type of congestion, which manifests in a similar way: a pooling of oxygen-deprived blood concentrated in the pelvis that can lead to feelings of pain or heaviness. For women this also stems from a persistent state of sexual arousal. How, then, does one cure this condition? Well, while they might not have been doctors, it turns out that those sexually-charged teenage boys were right. Orgasm is the only known method for releasing the buildup of fluids and restoring a natural circulatory state to the genitals. It is usually more effective if ejaculation occurs either before or at the beginning of the ‘blue balls’ sensation – waiting until after the encounter is over to use masturbation as a method of release is not as helpful in terms of diminishing the pain. | ||
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This is not to say that it is a woman’s responsibility to sexually satisfy every man who happens to get an erection in her vicinity! In fact, no one should ever use the excuse of ‘blue balls’ to beg for orgasm at the hands of another. For one thing, if it really gets completely unbearable, then men are perfectly capable of excusing themselves and taking care of the situation in private. For another, no matter what a man might say about a woman being a ‘tease’, the fact remains that the man most likely did not try to stop the pleasing sensations and acts that led to his erect state. He shares as much responsibility for any discomfort that might ‘arise’. As for how the term came to acquire such an earthy name, it is tied in with the urban legend that blood can build up to such a degree in a man’s testicles during arousal that they actually turn blue. While there may be isolated cases of non-oxygenated blood being visible through particularly pale skin, it is safe to say that no one is in danger of having their reproductive organs change color during a night of passion. | ||
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While low-female libido is a common topic in the medical and psychological community, very little emphasis is placed on men with decreased sex drive. The image of the man as a constant seeker of sexual conquests has been played up to an incredible degree in both the media and popular consciousness, and so the suggestion that perhaps there are men out there who suffer from a lower than normal libido is often not taken seriously. This is an unfortunate situation, because there are indeed men who, for a variety of reasons, do not have as ‘healthy’ a sex drive as one might normally expect. While this is not often a problem for a single man, in the context of a relationship, out-of-sync sexual needs can often be the root of conflict, unhappiness and tension. Many people, when faced with a sexual partner who no longer seems to desire them as much as they did previously tend to blame themselves for the lack of interest. This can create feelings of guilt and powerlessness, and shift the focus away from the person who needs to solve their libido issue. |
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What are some of the reasons underlying a decreased male sex drive? While sexual dysfunction is a complex issue with many different triggers, there are certain causes which are commonly associated with this condition. The first group of causes can be thought of as physical and mental stresses that are under the control of the sufferer. Men who work long, hard hours and experience a great deal of stress in the workplace often find themselves without the energy to pursue sex when they arrive home at the end of the day. They are also more likely to be lacking in sleep, which can only compound the cycle of exhaustion and low libido. The second group of causes deals with physical problems that men might not even know they have. Cardiovascular issues, a low level of testosterone being produced in the body, diabetes and male andropause (the male version of menopause, which can disrupt hormone levels), can all affect a man’s level of desire. Fortunately, most of these health problems can be caught by a visit to the doctor. | ||
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The final cluster of triggers related to decreased male sex drive stems from behavioral and psychological issues. Men who abuse alcohol can often see their sexual desire evaporate. Some prescription drugs can also take their toll on the libido. From a psychological perspective, a history of sexual abuse can affect a man’s current sex life, as can questions regarding personal sexual orientation, which might not have been fully recognized. And of course, problems that have surfaced in other areas of a relationship could very well transpose themselves to the bedroom and cause sexual interest to dwindle. In short, while there are many possible causes of a decreased sex drive for men, the best way to combat this problem is to try and live as stress-free and healthily as possible. It is difficult for the body and the mind to deal with any particular problem when it is under assault from many different directions at once. Beyond sexual dysfunction, the benefits of reducing stress and adopting a healthy lifestyle will be felt in every other facet of life as well. | ||
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Everyone has their own favorite sexual kinks, whether it be a preference for thigh-high boots or an adoration for belly-buttons. Some people enjoy being tied up while others like to wear leather and lace. Most of the time, these kinds of preferences are gradually revealed during the course of a relationship, but sometimes they get thrown at you like a bolt out of the blue. A perfect example of this kind of sexual surprise is talking dirty. Now, it is far from unusual for men and women to let their vocabulary get a little filthy during sex. There aren’t really all that many words that can be said in polite company that can describe the feelings and phrases going through your mind while having sex. With all of that sweating, pushing, grabbing and holding going on, talk is going to get a little blue, and there is nothing wrong with that. |
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Men can often find it shocking, however, when the woman they are with lets loose a stream of profanity that might be completely out of character for them in a non-sexual situation. As a result of the social programming that women are supposed to be prim and proper, hearing nasty, vulgar words coming out of the mouth of the sweet girl next door can sometimes be so distracting that it stops a man dead in his tracks. This is amusing given the fact that women are expected to tolerate the same level of language or worse from men who are of course merely demonstrating their rough, masculine dominance. Most men, however, will shake off the initial shock quickly and not let it bother them further, (if it did at all). Many men actually enjoy a woman who is able to express herself so freely, and in fact lurid descriptions of what she is feeling or what she wants the man to do can be a big turn on. It’s important, though, not to be too extreme in the early going. To go from making out, to petting, to hearing a paragraph that could have been lifted from the Penthouse letters section can sound so ridiculous that the man might be more inclined to laugh out loud than feel his passion grow. Such tirades should probably be saved for the hottest and heaviest moments of the evening. | |
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Another important thing to remember is that it can be hard to tell what comes naturally from our mouths when we have sex versus what we think we are supposed to say. Particularly with regards to men, pornography can heavily influence the carnal vocabulary. While there is nothing wrong with asking someone if they like what you are doing, crossing the line into insults or derogatory comments can squelch the flame pretty quickly - unless of course, that is exactly what turns you on. Since we are each individuals, finding out what a partner does and does not want to hear come out of your mouth while you are making love to them is part of the wonderful process of discovery inherent in all relationships. With time, you should be able to find a balance between what you want to say, and what you know he or she would love to hear. | |