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The pelvic floor consists of layers of muscles that form a diamond. They stretch from the front of the pelvis (symphysis pubis) to the tailbone (coccyx) in the back, and also attach to the “sit bones” under your buttock muscles. A strong pelvic floor helps to support your organs, aids in urinary and bowel incontinence and aids in sexual pleasure as the pelvic floor contracts involuntarily with orgasm. These muscles can be weakened through childbirth, chronic straining/bearing down, chronic coughing, or disuse. But like all muscles, they can be re-strengthened with proper exercise technique. Now what? Read more... |
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You’ve done the shopping. You’ve carefully chosen between the best of the best products. The box magically appeared on your doorstep. You waited all day and now you’re behind closed doors, that new vibrator in your hand. Now what? Read more... |
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The words “Tantric Sex” usually evoke all kinds of exotic images. For a long time I believed Tantra was something that took a lot of time to master, with its own set of positions that were too hard for me to handle. Besides that, Tantra takes time, and where would I find any extra? Who had time to think about exotic lovemaking? Read more... |
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I don’t know about you, but I never bother with those lingerie stores in the mall. You know, the ones with the impossibly thin models in the window, the ones wearing the panties that are little more than floss and the bras that wouldn’t hold up my nipples, much less my breasts. Read more... |
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We are the last people to tell you to lose weight. If you are comfortable and confident in your body then stop reading right now. You are in a great space. We talk all the time that what makes women sexiest is confidence. When you don’t feel great about your body, it can be very hard to strut into the bedroom and own the room. Read more...
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Are Brains Sexy Too? |
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We often stereotype men as wanting the pin-up blond. We compare ourselves to the magazine models and beat ourselves up about it. We’re told that this isn’t what men are looking for, but really, where’s the research to back that up? The Kinsey Institute, one of the foremost sex institutes, set out to find out what men find attractive. They studied 50 men between 18 and 70 and asked them about arousal and sexual desire. While they confirmed that some men are looking for the pin-up, many men were aroused by self confidence and intelligence. Sorry, did they say intelligence? Yes! Of course, physical beauty is a factor, but when men are looking for a partner, they want someone they can have a conversation with. So girls, be proud of your intelligence. The myth that men are looking for ‘dumb-blonds’ is now officially dispelled!
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So by now, most of us know that it’s okay to have sex during our period. Some women have a high sex drive during this time while others don’t want to be touched. It really is a matter of personal choice. Interestingly enough, sex during your period can help relieve pain and expel blood more quickly, bringing a quicker end to our periods.
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Imagine walking down the street with your boss and feeling so aroused you need to orgasm. Imagine being in the gym with your trainer and having to run to the bathroom to masturbate and get off. Sounds like a tough life? The first time someone told me of this I sort laughed. Lucky you I thought. Then, I started to think about it. It really must be a challenge. I mean, I love my orgasm, but it has its time and place. |
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You’ve done the shopping. You’ve carefully chosen between the best of the best products. The box magically appeared on your doorstep. You waited all day and now you’re behind closed doors, that new vibrator in your hand. Now what? The excitement of introducing your first vibrator into couple’s play is rivaled only by the anxiety. How do you approach this with your husband? You do sexy things in bed all the time, but bringing a toy into the mix feels entirely different. It’s enough to make the most adventurous woman feel a little shy. Of course, as soon as you’re done, turn the tables. It’s his turn |
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If you’re shy about using it with your husband, get used to using it by yourself first. Turn it on and feel the vibrations in your palm. Slide it up and down your arm. Press it to your belly and focus on how the vibrations feel as they run all through you. Press the vibrator gently against your nipples and see how that feels. Lay back and explore other, more intimate places with your new toy. You’ll learn what feels good and how your body reacts to the new sensation. Knowing what to expect will take off that edge of anxiety! When it’s time to introduce your husband to the new plaything, start out slow. Use it all over his body, not just on the parts he’s hoping you’ll touch. The vibrator will relax him, and the slow approach will get you ready for what comes next. It’s a sure bet he will love the vibrations just as much as you do. Watch his cues for permission to explore even further. He’s going to be curious about how you will react, so when he offers to use it on you, take him up on it. But don’t be hesitant to tell him what you need! If you would rather he not to press so hard, or avoid a certain spot, say so. Vibrators can be powerful little things, and they have a much stronger caress than that of your husband’s hand! If the vibrations are too much to handle, tell him. With a little guidance, you’ll both figure out what feels good. | ||
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The vibrator can be incorporated into intercourse, too. When he’s deep inside you, press the vibrator against your clitoris for direct stimulation. He will be able to feel the vibrations as they course through you, and he will be able to feel the way your body reacts. Try different positions, and try using the vibrator in each of them. Experiment with holding it at different angles, and if it has varying speeds, play with those to find the one that feels just right. Once you’re comfortable with the vibrator, it can be incorporated into mutual masturbation. Lots of women are shy about letting their partner see that most intimate of private acts, and a vibrator is a good way to get over that fear. Perhaps you could let him use it on you, and place your hand on top of his to guide the way. Eventually take over and move the vibrator how you want, while he watches. Men are very visual creatures, and watching you do something so intimate will turn him on beyond belief. | ||
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What is It? Do I Have the Time? |
The words “Tantric Sex” usually evoke all kinds of exotic images. For a long time I believed Tantra was something that took a lot of time to master, with its own set of positions that were too hard for me to handle. Besides that, Tantra takes time, and where would I find any extra? Who had time to think about exotic lovemaking? The truth is, Tantra is more of a mindset than a method. Tantric sex has been around for thousands of years, and the basis is enlightenment, not the pursuit of an orgasm. Tantra teaches that sexuality is the doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures – eating, drinking, dancing, and the like – are sacred. Lovemaking between a man and a woman is the most pleasurable of them all!
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All too often sex is seen as a means to an orgasm. Tantra shatters that notion and urges followers to see sex as a dance with no beginning and no end. Intimacy is the rule in Tantric sex. But how do you incorporate intimacy into your busy life? You might have to make an appointment for exploration. Seriously. Plan on a time when the two of you can be alone and free from distractions. It might be after the kids are in bed, or first thing in the morning. Maybe you could ask a friend to take the kids out to dinner for an evening. Try to do this once a week. In order to build intimacy, alone time with your partner is essential. Tantric teachings call for a sacred space, a place where you and your beloved can retreat and enjoy the pleasures of one another. Perhaps that space could be your bedroom? Fill it with lovely scented candles, fine fabrics to caress the skin, and lighting to enhance the romance. If you bring food into the space, make it something sensual – plump, ripe fruits are good, as are decadent finger foods. The point is to have a place where you can relax and focus on not only the earthly pleasures, but on sharing them with your husband. | ||
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A shared breathing exercise is a good way to create intimacy. Our breathing is something we never really think about, but focusing on it can be a very powerful experience. Sit close to your partner, facing each other. Look into each other’s eyes. Take even breaths. Gradually time your breathing so that you are breathing together – inhale, pause, exhale. This exercise forces you to focus entirely on one another. When you do make love, take your time! Keep your motion smooth and fluid. Keep your breathing deep and slow. Breathing quickly rushes your body to orgasm, and that’s not what you want. By slowing down, every movement and sensation is enhanced. Forget the idea of a finish line and focus instead on how your husband makes you feel, both inside and out. By the time you do come back down to earth, your connection with him will be stronger. Tantra isn’t a mystery, nor is it something unattainable. With a little time and patience, the Tantric teachings can be applied to your own sex life – and that increased intimacy will make your lovemaking hotter and more satisfying than you ever imagined. | ||
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I don’t know about you, but I never bother with those lingerie stores in the mall. You know, the ones with the impossibly thin models in the window, the ones wearing the panties that are little more than floss and the bras that wouldn’t hold up my nipples, much less my breasts. I’m a bigger woman. Lingerie stores don’t make bras in my size. In fact, it wasn’t until the last few years that stores began selling lingerie for bigger women that was actually pretty and feminine, filled with satin and lace and sensuality. Obviously, there are a few challenges for women who are above average size. Lingerie stores are at the top of the list. Seat belts are the most frustrating things, because most seem to be made for small frames. Even some airlines have seats that seem like they were meant for children, not grown women. |
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But the advantages…oh, how great those are! We have curves, the kind of curves a man can really hold. Men aren’t afraid of “breaking” a bigger woman in bed, and that unleashes the wild tiger inside. Their inhibitions drop when they realize not only can she take whatever he can dish out, she just might be able to throw him around a bit – and a good wrestle between the sheets is always hot. A male friend once told me why he loved bigger women. “Ever seen a plump woman dig into her dessert?” he asked. “She’s not afraid to take pleasure from the sinful part of her dinner. That’s the same woman who isn’t afraid to take pleasure from me later on, when we’re naked in bed and she’s hungry for more.” Speaking of the bedroom, there are so many advantages to being a bigger woman. Your body is a playground, filled with curves that invite exploration. The bigger woman has ample breasts to play with, and as any man will tell you, that’s something to be happy about. When she’s on top, she can hold him down with her strength, which almost always turns a man on. When she’s on her knees and he’s behind her, he’s got a soft woman to push against. No skin and bones for him – just smooth comfort that can excite like nothing else. The sexual positions can get varied and wild, too. Sometimes the conventional positions don’t work for the bigger woman, and they have to improvise. That improvisation leads to some interesting sensations for both her and the lucky man in bed with her. | |
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Remember that lingerie for the larger woman? There are stores that carry it, and once you find them, you’re in for a good time! Now there are satins in every color of the rainbow, lace for every fantasy, even soft leather that feels smooth as silk against the skin. Nothing will turn him on more than you, every last luscious inch of you, wrapped in a teddy or a slinky robe, giving him that come-hither smile. Size won’t matter one bit, and you’ll be the sexiest thing he has ever seen. | |
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Sex Improves with Weight Loss |
We are the
last people to tell you to lose weight.
If you are comfortable and confident in your body then stop reading
right now. You are in a great space. We talk all
the time that what makes women sexiest is confidence.
When you don’t feel great about your body, it can be very hard to strut
into the bedroom and own the room. We
strongly believe that every body is
beautiful but as women, we need to internalize that. We need to really believe it ourselves before
we can share ourselves with our partners. |
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Weight is a
huge factor in how we view our bodies.
The media bombards us with unrealistic bodies and some women set these
bodies as standard they must achieve. Sixty-seven
percent of the women felt sexually unattractive at the start of the study. A year into the study only 26.4% did. Because they felt sexually unattractive,
62.7% of women at the beginning of study didn’t want to be seen undressed. At the end of the study, only 34.3% did not
want to be seen. | |
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Once again,
this study demonstrates how much we allow our weight and body image to change
our sex lives. I had the
opportunity to speak to Binks and others at Duke about this study. They believe that even a 10% weight loss can materially change a
person’s sex life, even if the person remains materially overweight. Why?
They don’t know for sure, but they believe that they feel more in
control of their life and more confident. Hmmm....there’s that confidence thing again. So,
now if you are looking to lose weight, we’ll take this opportunity to remind
you that vigorous sex burns 200 calories an hour. Sure beats the treadmill! | |
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So by now, most of us know that it’s okay to have sex during our period. Some women have a high sex drive during this time while others don’t want to be touched. It really is a matter of personal choice. Interestingly enough, sex during your period can help relieve pain and expel blood more quickly, bringing a quicker end to our periods. |
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We’ve often spoken about the endorphins, which are hormones released during sex, and how they alleviate pain. During our period, a second process goes on. As we reach orgasm, the uterus contracts and expels excess blood. This blood can be a cause of cramping during your period. The contractions also use the excess prostaglandins in the process. (Prostaglandins are the hormones produced by the uterine lining.) By expelling excess blood and using up the excess prostaglandins, period cramping pain may be lessened.
As the blood is expelled from the uterus more quickly, sex during your period may speed up menstruation. Your period ends when all the uterine lining has been expelled. The endometrial lining moves during orgasmic contractions and is forced out through the vagina. So, basically, the more orgasmic contractions you have, the quicker the blood is expelled. (Of course… within reason.) | |
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If you are interested in having sex during your period but worried about the mess, there are few ways to lessen the mess. Lying on your back and tilting your hips slows the flow of blood. Using a condom and placing towels on the bed before sex can also help with clean up. Of course, we always like the shower for sex and during your period, it might be the perfect place. We would be remiss not to mention that there are a number of blood-borne STDs that are carried in menstrual blood, including but not limited to, HIV and hepatitis. Many women also experience herpes outbreaks during their period. If you are concerned about you or your partner, always wear a condom and/or use dental dams. If having sex during your period doesn’t appeal to you, remember, there are so many ways to be intimate with your partner without penetrative sex. Take this time to explore the rest of your body. | |
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Imagine
walking down the street with your boss and feeling so aroused you need to
orgasm. Imagine being in the gym with
your trainer and having to run to the bathroom to masturbate and get off. Sounds like a tough life? The first time someone told me of this I sort
laughed. Lucky you I thought. Then, I started to think about it. It really must be a challenge. I mean, I love my orgasm, but it has its time
and place. I started
to research the topic and was surprised
to see that it is a real syndrome. – It’s called Persistent Sexual Arousal
Syndrome (“PSAS”). |
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It sounds
like a nice problem to have, but women who experience it, often also experience
shame and discomfort. Some women with
this syndrome have up to 200 orgasms a day.
The orgasms consume their lives.
Work, socializing and even sex become difficult to focus on. What are
the symptoms of PSAS? According to Dr. Leiblum,
an expert on PSAS, they include: -
The
physical responses of sexual arousal last for extended periods of time and
don’t completely subside on their own. -
Physiological
arousal does not resolve with normal orgasmic experiences. It often requires multiple orgasms over hours
or days. -
Arousal
is unrelated to sexual excitement or desire. -
Arousal
may be triggered by non sexual stimuli or no stimuli at all. -
Arousal
is uninvited, intrusive and unwanted. | |
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How common
is PSAS? They really don’t know. Like many other sexual conditions, it likely
goes under-reported as women are embarrassed to tell their doctor about
it. What if you
think you have PSAS? We would suggest
finding a doctor with whom you are comfortable and who takes your concerns
seriously. | |
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The pelvic floor consists of layers of muscles that form a diamond. They stretch from the front of the pelvis (symphysis pubis) to the tailbone (coccyx) in the back, and also attach to the “sit bones” under your buttock muscles. A strong pelvic floor helps to support your organs, aids in urinary and bowel incontinence and aids in sexual pleasure as the pelvic floor contracts involuntarily with orgasm. These muscles can be weakened through childbirth, chronic straining/bearing down, chronic coughing, or disuse. But like all muscles, they can be re-strengthened with proper exercise technique. |
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The term “Kegel” refers to a pelvic floor exercise during which you contract, lift and then relax the pelvic floor muscles. Exercising your pelvic floor is well understood as an effective method to improve your “core” strength, reduce urinary and bowel incontinence, and enhance your sexual experience. The problem, of course, is that it’s hard to exercise what you can’t see. Initially, the easiest way to understand what a pelvic floor contraction is, is to understand what it is not. A true pelvic floor contraction is the most discreet exercise you can do. There should be no inner thigh or buttock involvement. You may feel a co-contraction from your deepest abdominal layer, which is OK. Otherwise, if anyone can see any movement or exertion from your body, then you are using compensatory muscles and are not doing the exercises correctly. Also, keep breathing, as your pelvic floor is intimately connected to your diaphragm! | |
Exercise #1: IsolationThe following cues help find and isolate the different parts of your pelvic floor. 1. Lightly squeeze your pelvic floor as if you were stopping the flow of urine, and then relax completely. Then lightly squeeze as if you were stopping the flow of gas, and relax. This exercise helps identify weaknesses within the pelvic floor. It is important to appreciate that you may be weaker in the front or the back muscles. If you are able to detect a weakness, it is beneficial to try to isolate the weakened area and exercise it until you feel all parts are equal. Many people who think they are doing full kegels are really only contracting part of their floor. This is one of the reasons why even those who do regular exercises may have issues with incontinence or decreased sexual pleasure. **Note: although it is OK to occasionally check your strength while urinating do not do this more than every couple of months. Doing kegels while urinating interferes with your bladder’s reflex and will force you to push or bear down to continue urinating. This can result in numerous issues including urinary retention, prolapse and pelvic muscle weakening. | |
Exercise #2, 3 & 4: Excursion, Speed and EnduranceOnce you have balanced out any weaknesses you can contract your entire pelvic floor. At this time it is good to concentrate on how much excursion, or lift your pelvic floor gets with contractions. Never bear down with contractions. Imagine pulling (lifting) a tampon or your fingers up inside your body. **Note: always relax fully between contractions. Remember, a kegel is a contraction, lift AND a relaxation. Use caution and discretion when considering vaginal weights which do not strengthen the muscles through their full range of motion and can lead to tightness. Then add speed contractions to work the fast twitch muscle fibers of your pelvic floor. Do 5-10 contractions as fast as you can. Contract as high and strong as you can, then relax fully before quickly doing the next contraction. Then work the endurance fibers. Do a full pelvic floor contraction, and relax 50%. Hold at that level for 30-60 seconds. If you feel your pelvic floor start to let go, just relax and make note of how long you were able to maintain a true quality contraction for. | |
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To monitor your progress: Sit on your hand, or a rolled up washcloth and contract your pelvic floor. Try to feel your pelvic floor lift off the surface. You may also insert 2 fingers and feel the strength, lift (excursion) and symmetry of your contraction. During intercourse, your partner may also give you feedback on the strength of your contraction and amount of excursion they can feel. To see progress, aim to complete a minimum of 30-50 kegels per day. Remember it may take 8-12 weeks for the muscles to strengthen and changes to occur. This may seem daunting at first. But kegels are easy to complete once you have mastered the isolation exercises and have moved on to the excursion, speed and endurance exercises. If you are unsure of your technique, or are becoming frustrated, do not stop with your program! Follow up with a pelvic floor physiotherapist who can fine-tune your technique and advance your exercises. |
Pelvic Floor PhysiotherapyPelvic Floor Physiotherapy is a specialized branch of physiotherapy that addresses issues with the pelvic joints and muscles including: Urinary incontinence or retention Bowel incontinence or constipation Pelvic pain Pain with intercourse Weakened pelvic floor muscles Pre and post surgical strengthening Prolapsed organs Pre and postnatal strengthening and education Diastasis Core stability Low back pain resulting from weak muscles/joint instability Please feel free to contact me to find a pelvic floor physiotherapist near your location and to book an assessment. It is never too late to address long term concerns, nor is it ever too early to start a preventative strengthening program.
Corinne Langford B.Sc.P.T. Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist Lifemark Health Centre (403) 254-0057 |
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