Guide to Fellatio

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Let’s be blunt here.  Men love oral sex and a wonderful place for a woman to be in control of his pleasure.  While there is no magic to the art, we’ve put together a few tips for better Fellatio.

1.  If you have any hesitations or issues, talk first.  Many women are perfectly happy to perform oral sex but don’t like it when he comes in her mouth.  I know many men who would be happy to receive more oral sex, even if it meant not coming in her mouth.  Easy solution…talk!  Tell him you’d be happy to perform more oral sex if he didn’t come in your mouth..or hold the back of your head…or whatever else is stopping you.

2.  Practice safe oral sex. Many people assume that oral sex is safe but just because you can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean it is risk free.  Always use a condom unless you know your partner well and have considered the risks associated with not using one.  

Be aware that you can get and transmit herpes through oral sex (the genital and oral strains are now very similar).  Chlamydia and gonorrhoea can infect your throat and requires antibiotics to treat.  Your eyes can become infected, so be aware of fluids.  HIV and hepatitis can also be passed through oral sex.

3.  It’s a matter of taste.  It’s never going to be a gourmet meal, but there are a few things you can do to make it taste a little better.  Firstly, encourage him to shower or bath first.  A clean penis might not actually materially taste better but mentally seems nicer.  (A gentle way might be to offer to join him in the shower first.)  Secondly, you can use a flavoured lube.  Please remember that any lube should be sugar free.  Ask if you aren’t sure because sugar in lubes equals yeast infections.  We like O’My lubes.  Finally, there are a number of suggestions out there such as limiting meat and onions, drinking tasty smoothies etc.  They are worth looking into but for the most part, it not practical for a man to change his diet to change the taste of his semen.  

4.  Understand his anatomy and response cycle.  Grab a book or check out the rest of our education site to better understand what is going on in there.  For this, we will assume that you’ve got the basics.

5.   Shave or trim?  Manscaping can clean up some of the stray pubic hairs (helps you avoid showing up for dinner with a hair in your teeth!).  The other advantage of manscaping is that with less hair, his penis appears bigger.  Shaving can be a couple’s activity but always be careful not to nick the skin.  You may want to consider a razor especially designed for this purpose.

We suggest taking a bath or shower first to soften the hairs.  A conditioner can make them even softer.  Remember to lather up well and use a new razor.   If you are shaving the testicles, hold the skin flat with one hand while shaving with the other.  

6.  Begin with a massage.  There are lots of guides out there to learn massage techniques but basically, you just want to sensually touch him.  Start at the top and work your way down to the penis.  When you get there, focus on the entire genital area, not just the penis.  You can give him a dry massage, but we recommend lube.  (If you are planning any vaginal sex afterwards, remember, you should not use anything oil based.)  Be kind and warm the lube in your hands first!  There are many massaging techniques but here are a few:

a.  Cup your hand around the shaft of his penis.  Gently squeeze and release moving from bottom to top.

b.  Gently, using your finger tips only, pull from the base of the penis to the top.  You can even start further out, for example dragging your fingers from his belly all the way to the top of his penis.

c.  Cup his testicles.  Either gently squeeze or pull.

d.  Using two hands, one following the other, grasp his penis and firmly stroke from the base to the top.  Reverse the technique if desired.

e.  Putting your two thumbs side by side, make small circular motions.  This is particularly good right under the head of his penis.

f.  Creating a circle with your thumb and index finger, stroke the penis from top to bottom and back.  You can rotate your hand in a twisting motion for more fun.  

g.  Put a light silk material over his penis and gently use it to massage him.

h.  Massage the perineum.  Many men also love anal massage.  

i.  Put his hand over yours and ask him to show you what he likes

7.  Make eye contact.  This can be a real turn on for many men.  They get to see their beautiful partner giving them the most amazing pleasure.  For you, it gives you the opportunity to gauge his reaction.  Soon, you will learn what techniques work best for him.

8.  Talk dirty.  If you are comfortable, you can talk dirty to him.  It may be as simple as tell him what you are going to do next.

9.  Progress to licking.  If you’ve given him a great massage, he’s going to be pretty turned on.  You can continue straight to oral sex or take a step back and titillate him more.  You may want to nibble his ears, lick his nipples or suck on his stomach.  His inner thigh is also a very sensitive area.  Come close to his penis but don’t lick it.  A little teasing is a good thing.

When you are ready, look him directly in the eye and lick his penis.  Yes, you’ve seen that porn star lick a hundred times but it is a real turn on for many men.  Lick his penis and genital area fully before placing his penis in your mouth.  Don’t forget to lick and suck his testicles!  

You may want to imagine his penis as an ice cream cone.  Enjoy licking it with long luscious licks or swirl from top to bottom.  

10. If you have a small vibrator, you can use it now to massage his shaft, testicles, or perineum/anus.

11. Moisten your lips and place them around his penis.  Again, eye contact is good.  Close your lips on his penis and enjoy the feeling of his penis in your mouth.  With your mouth over his penis, you may want to explore with your tongue.  Run it over the head and as you take his penis deeper into your mouth run your tongue down the shaft.

12. Stop and flicker your tongue on sensitive area.  Flickering your tongue over the head of the penis, particularly the urethral opening can bring him amazing pleasure.  Just below  the head of the penis, on the underside, is a small flap of skin.  A 1970’s sex book suggested strumming this with your tongue like a banjo.  (Because it was such a bizarre reference, I’ve never forgotten it). Go ahead and play that music, he’ll soon feel the grove!  Some men also like it when you run your tongue around the ridge of the head.  Trial and error is one of the best ways to see what works for him.  Keep looking at him and gauging his reaction.

13. If his penis is uncircumcised, you can gently pull back the skin and lick the head of the penis.  The head of an uncircumcised penis is more sensitive than a circumcised penis, so do be gentler.

14. Change the pace.  Don’t simply set a rhythm and bob up and down.  Take some long slurps then some short licks.  Go quickly for thirty seconds then retreat and focus on his testicles or perineum.  Mix is up.  He can always create a quick orgasm by himself.  What you are doing is teasing and playing and building up to an explosive orgasm.

15. Suck hard then softly.  Not only should you vary your pace but also your suction.

16. Hum. Hence the name hummer.  Humming provides an interesting vibration on his penis.

17. Hot or cold or fizzy.  Prepare for oral sex and have a variety of beverages available.  Ice is great for oral sex.  You can hold the ice cube in your mouth and drag it across his penis or anywhere on his body for a shocking sensation.  You can also try taking a drink of hot tea.  If you can, hold some in your mouth and swirl it around his penis.  (After ice, this can be really nice!)  Alternatively, take a sip of a soft drink (or even sparkling wine) and let the bubbles swirl around his penis.  

18. Chocolate or whipped cream?  Anything that contains sugar can lead to yeast infections.  If you aren’t going to have vaginal sex, and he is going to clean up well, then there is no reason you can’t drizzle his penis in chocolate body paint or whipped cream.

19. Keep your hand active when you are giving him oral sex.  It can provide you with additional control and give him additional pleasure.  Each woman has a different technique. You can try to hold the base of the penis with the finger and thumb in a circle with one hand and follow your mouth along the shaft with your other hand.

20. Don’t forget about his testicles and perineum during oral sex.  You can lick them, cup them with your hand or gently pull them.

21. As discussed above, if you don’t want him to come in your mouth, talk to him.  You can also watch for signs.  As he approaches orgasm, his breathing will become more rapid and you may feel his testicles tuck in closer to his body.  You may choose at this point to continue on or to finish him by hand.  

Advanced Tips

1.  Deep Throat.  Not all women are capable of deep throating (and not all women want to).  For many men, having their entire penis enveloped in wetness and warmth is amazing.  Most women can work on the technique and learn to relax and avoid the gag reflex.  

a.  Practise first.  You can practice on a dildo or even a large vegetable.

b.  Remember to breath while doing down on him, sounds obvious but it isn’t as natural as it might seem.

c.  Be in control.  He will enjoy the experience and want to put his penis in further.  If you are in control, you can relax and prepare for the experience.

d.  Relax, relax, relax.  If you aren’t into it and can’t relax, then it might not be worth trying.

2.  Tie and Play.  Oral play can be enhanced through the use of restraints or blindfolds.  This doesn’t always mean pain is involved.

a.   Any time someone loses the use of a sense (such as sight) or is restrained, there is a natural sense of fear that creates adrenalin.  This alone can enhance orgasm.  

b.  Power can be a huge turn on for you or him.  Being in total control of his pleasure can be extremely erotic.  By tying him down, you control what you do and when he receives pleasure.  You can tease him by playing for a while with his penis, stopping and playing somewhere else, even leaving him in the room by himself (fully aroused and unable to do anything about it) can enhance the experience.   

3.  Anal Play.  Durex estimates that 41% of Canadians have engaged in anal sex.  It is perfectly normal for a man to become aroused when you play with his bottom.  This doesn’t mean he’s gay…it simply means his anus is sensitive.  You can engage in a variety of anal play during oral sex, ranging from simple massage to using a finger or toy to stimulate the prostate (very similar in responsiveness to a women’s g-spot).  Anal massage is the easiest and least intrusive part of play.  You can massage his perineum and around his anus.  Putting pressure on the two dimples in his back above his buttocks can also stimulate blood flow into the pelvic region.  

Inserting a finger, dildo, plug or beads can increase his pleasure.  With anything anal, it is very important that you use good lubrication.  If toys aren’t involved, silicone works very well.  If you are using toys, choose a good water based lube (not a drugstore brand please).  

a.  You can use gloves or a condom over your finger if you are going to penetrate him.  If you are using your bare fingers, cut your nails!  A rough finger nail can end play right there.  

b.  After gently massaging around the anus, you can gently press your finger against the opening of the anus.   You can pulse your finger against the opening or draw small circles around the opening.

c.  With a good lube, gently insert your finger(s) into his anus. As he relaxes, inside his anus, reach your finger(s) toward base of his penis.  You can gently press or fondle that area or you can gently pull your fingers in and out.  Always be careful and gentle.

d.  You may massage the prostate.  Massaging the prostate can produce intense pleasure for him.  It is a small walnut shaped gland at the base of the penis.  To reach it, gently bend your finger(s) back toward the base of the penis and using a come-hither motion, gently stroke the prostate.

e.  A butt plug or dildo can also be inserted while you give him oral sex.  Again, lube lube lube.  When using toys, we always recommend something that is 100% medical grade silicone.  It is the best material and can be effectively disinfected after anal use.

f.  Beads provide an interesting alternative.  You can insert them one at at time and as he reaches orgasm, gently pull them out.  (Do not pull them out like you are starting a lawn mover!)  When using beads, never use beads with string.  It just can’t be cleaned well.