One of the most common questions we get is ďis anal sex normalĒ. That answer is a resounding yes. In fact, a Durex survey revealed that 41% of Canadians have engaged in anal sex.
Why do people enjoy anal sex? For women, the anus shares several walls with the vaginal canal. For men, the biggest reason is the stimulation of the prostate.
Anal sex can be an amazing experience, but done incorrectly, can be very painful. Weíve put together a few tips for first time anal sex.
1. First we have to answer one of the most common questions about anal sex. Is it dirty and will we get feces all over? No is the easy answer. Feces is stored in the colon and only moves into the anal canal during a bowel movement. You may wish to have a bowel movement before you have anal sex, but it isnít necessary. Some people may go as far as an enema before sex, but again, this isnít necessary.
2. Safe sex is always great sex. We arenít preaching here but you should always use a condom to protect yourself unless you and your partner are committed and aware of the risks of not using one. That being said, you may wish to keep use a condom for anal play if you plan to also have vaginal sex. By using the condom, then removing it, you wonít pass bacteria from the anus to the vagina.
3. You may want to prepare for anal sex by taking a shower or bath first. It may relax you as you prepare for the experience. You may wish to insert a finger into the anus to gently clean it but you shouldnít use harsh soaps which may irritate the canal.
4. Make sure that you and your partner cut and file your nails and cuticles before anal play. A sharp nail can cause much unnecessary pain.
5. Talk to your partner. You canít simply surrender control to someone, and be penetrated and expect to enjoy it. You need to talk about what you are going to do. You also have to agree that if at any point you wish to stop, it is over.
6. The biggest rule to anal sex is to relax and move forward slowly. Anal sex is an art and it takes time and effort.
7. The key to anal sex is a great lube. If you are using toys, you will need to use a high quality water lubricant. If you arenít using toys, then a silicone lube is ideal for anal sex. Silicone lubes are slick and stay slick. They arenít absorbed by the body, keeping that smooth feel for a long time. For most women, the thicker the silicone lube, the better. The anus has no natural lubricant, so make sure you apply enough for a comfortable experience.
8. Apply lube to the penetrator. We get a lot of questions as to whether lube should be applied to the penis/finger/toy or anus. You apply the lube to whatever you are using to penetrate the anus. You can apply a bit to the outside of the anus as well.
9. Again, relax. This is the repeated theme of anal sex.
10. When your partner is relaxed, insert a finger gently into the opening. The anus will naturally tighten. Slow down and let it relax before going any further. Once the finger is comfortably inside, you can begin to play a bit. You can gently try twisting it or pulling the finger in and out. This might be enough for the first night. If not, you can move on
11. You may try to insert two fingers and play a bit. You also may use a small toy or plug. Always move forward slowly and carefully. If at any time, your partner tells you to stop, remove any object from the anus as slowly and carefully as you first inserted it.
12. Before inserting anything large like a penis or full size dildo, make sure your partner is fully warmed up, as described above. (And, yes, they need to be warmed up each and every time.) Reapply lube to the penis or dildo as well as some to the anus.
13. A penis must be fully erect before entering the anus. A partially erect penis does not function well in the tight anal canal.
14. The receiver should keep some level of control, especially if you are new to anal sex. We would recommend that they slowly position themselves on the penis or dildo. If the pain is too great, they can always stop. If you are in control listen to your partner and gauge their reaction. Some people will tolerate pain for the enjoyment of others but sex is so much better if you are both into it.
15. If he is the receiver, you may want to focus on stimulating his prostate for additional enjoyment. The prostate is a small walnut shaped gland at the base of the penis. To reach it, gently bend your finger(s) back toward the base of the penis and using a come-hither motion, gently stroke the prostate.
16. Always remember that if you are using a toy, it must have a handle or flange. This is to ensure that it does not slip completely inside the anus. Unlike the vaginal canal which ends at the cervix, the anal canal has no natural end and items can "get lost".