The kids are gone. Life is settling down. I love sex and am still sexyÖbut my body had changed. Whatís going on? This is life after sixty.
Weíve put together some tips for sex after sixty. It is our greatest wish for you to still be having sex into your nineties.
1. Sex is great for us. The more studies that are completed, the more conclusive the evidence is found that sex is great for our health. One of the most recent studies showed that men who have sex regularly have a significantly lower risk of a heart attack and stroke. Take responsibility for your health Ė have more sex.
2. Many women do not experience a reduction in sexual desire or satisfaction after menopause, but if you do, change your expectations but donít give up. We talk to lots of women. Women struggle with sex after giving birth, they struggle as they go through menopause and they struggle as they age. Our bodies and our lives change, so naturally we should prepare for our sex lives to change too. Sex can be great at any age but few of us can expect to be doing the advanced Kama Sutra at sixty (some of us canít do it at thirty!). Prepare yourself with realistic expectations about sex. It might take you longer to achieve orgasm and some positions may no longer be as comfortable but keep reminding yourself that it can still be amazing!
3. Sex is in the brain. When your body doesnít function like it did, keep in mind that sex is about far more than acrobatics and penetration. Sex is about touch and intimacy and being with your partner. There may be some times that sex, as you defined it for years, canít take place. You may have a number of different challenges from sickness to impotency, but prepare yourself to face them together! Refocus on intimacy. Kissing and touch are wonderful at any age. So, whatís wrong with being sixty and necking on the couch? Set a goal to still be necking at ninety.
4. Love your body, drooping boobs and all. Women of all ages have body issue. The same thing can be written for someone who is 30 as someone who is sixty. Love your body. It has carried you gracefully through the years. It has served you well and deserves respect. Yes, gravity is our enemy but focusing on it instead of your partner will not serve you well. Remember, as you are thinking about wrinkles, he is thinking ďyah, I got a naked woman here, Iím the luckiest guy aroundĒ.
5. Menopause doesnít mean itís over but it is different.
a. There is less natural lubrication
b. Orgasms can take longer
c. Vagina and labia membranes are thinner and more tender
6. Lube is everything. The most common complaint of women after menopause is lack of natural lubrication. The solution can be quite simple, you need to use a good lube. A lot of drug store brands provide some lubrication but tend to become gummy or require lots of reapplication. You need to use a high quality water lubricant (Gun Oil H2O is quite thick) or move to a silicone lube. Silicone lubes are slick and stay slick. They arenít absorbed by the body, keeping that smooth feel for a long time. For most women, the thicker the silicone lube, the better. Keep in mind, silicone lubes can be much more expensive than water lubes, but can be a dream solution for anyone with moisture issues.
7. Every women, regardless of age should be doing kegel exercises. The easiest description of a kegel is the clenching of the pelvic region to stop the flow of urine. Women should be repeating this movement through out the day to strengthen their pelvic region. With little resistance, some women donít feel like these are effective. Using silicone balls or surgical metal balls can make this exercise easier for some.. (We like Smartballs because they are silicone and a nice size and weight.)
8. Be SEXY. Define SEXY. Wear something nice or do a strip tease for him. (My goal is to one day use my cane as a pole!) It might not be professional stripper quality but it feels great to have fun. Remember, sometimes just being there and putting in the effort can be sexy!
9. Focus on sex and make it an event. Many women complain of lack of desire but often, it comes down to lack of desire for the predictable. After thirty years together, you know the dance and it can be just boring. Make sex an event. Think about it. What are you going to do? How can it be different? What is really going to turn you on? How are you going to turn him on?
10. Get away. Dedicate a whole weekend to sex and make it about romance and fun. Pack your bags, your lingerie, your lubes, and your toys. Give yourself permission to go away and be free.
11. Make it fun. Incorporate a toy or game into the bedroom. Toys may give you an opportunity for longer foreplay which can result in better sex and stronger orgasms. A vibrating cockring might be a great toy. For him, it can provide a stronger firmer erection. For you, it vibrates and stimulates the clitoris. For both of you, it can add fun. Keep in mind, many toys are now created to enhance a couple's sexual experience, not replace either member.
12. Masturbate. Firstly, itís fun and there is nothing wrong with it. Secondly, it can help you understand your own body and responses. Particularly if your body has changed, you need to find out what has changed and how you can best achieve orgasm. Only after you fully understand your body can you help your partner understand it.
13. Be kind. As we change, so do our partners. It is expected that we will change and somehow it is socially acceptable for us not to want to sex. For a man, he may experience some form of erectile dysfunction. With the commercialization of impotency drugs, we assume that we can just take a pill and it will all be better. It isnít as easy as this. There are different risks and in some cases few solutions. Find intimacy with your partner .